tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize