She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
