i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
