I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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