Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
