i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
