I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
