Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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