My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
