I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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