I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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