You work out of a Hotel?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
