Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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