life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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