Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
