i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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