Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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