Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
