I cockslap morals
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
