i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
