nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
