Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
are you so shy because you have an std?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
