the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
