If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
