i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The struggles of a small town man whore
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I currently don't understand fingers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
