I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
