Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize