I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize