Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize