i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
