I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
