Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize