i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
