I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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