I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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