I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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