Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
