Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
