Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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