It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
