put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
