College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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