I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize