Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
