so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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