come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
