Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
