You made me cry and you don't even care
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
