how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
