i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
