Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
