At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found a bag of teeth...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
