I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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