6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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