My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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