So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize