quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
