dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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