Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize