That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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