Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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