Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
