"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
