She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
