dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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