Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
