Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize