I can text with my tongue
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
