ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
