dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize