i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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