he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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