I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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