like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
