I faked an abortion last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize