he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come share oat with me in your robe
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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